Being the first born!

What happens when a mother holds her baby for the first time? She forgets all the pain she has had for bringing the baby into this world. What happens when a father holds his baby for the first time? He keeps gasping to register that the baby is his very own semi-miniature. They are parents. The baby is their own product. But what happens with the ones of the family for whom the baby comes as a BY-PRODUCT?

I was born in a joint family. The house where we lived was 15 roomed place with a huge aangan at the back having two big mango and guava trees. I had my grandparents, my uncle whom I call Kakka and my aunt - I still call her by her name - Mala and I emerged as their BY-PRODUCT. 

My father usually stayed out of the town for his business stuffs. My mother used to be always engrossed in some or the other household chores as we had really huge family and she was the elder daughter-in-law. I have had very less interactions with my own parents in childhood days. I was more close and technically was raised by my grandparents, uncle and aunt. 

I used to sleep at night with my grandma whom I call Mumma. She couldn't sleep without me being by her side. Now when I am married, I try to call her atleast once every 4-5 days. I see her once or twice every year. She often complains though about not being able to sleep at night till very late hours. People say it's because of old age. But I understand, she is yet not habituated of sleeping without me.

I used to be taken everyday to the park by my grandfather whom I called Babba. He is nomore with us now. But I still remember the stories about Pochu & Modhushudon (avataar of Krishna) - which were his very own crafted fictious characters. He had this bicycle which he used to ride wherein I used to sit back on the carrier. Not sure when it was sold. He always wore white, grey or cream colored shirts and black or brown trousers. He spoke in crystal clear Hindi inspite of being a Bengali. Not sure I have ever heard any Bengali person speaking with that clarity. 

When I used to be stressed out during my boards, he used to say - Dada! Come let's play cards! Don't worry you'll do excellent in exams. The last time I spoke to him was when I had cleared my Engineering Entrance Exam and got a very good ranking. He had said - Ami jaani aamar dada Engineer hobe! Two days later he had a brain haemorrhage and went into comma. It's been 10 years this month that he has left us. 

Mala stays in Agra with her husband & two daughters. She often says she has been married very far off but I thank her marriage been have happened there. We had enormous fun during the wedding and the visit to Taj Mahal - one of the seven wonders - was only possible to have happened 3 times till now because of the same. She has a beautiful voice. I often believe I have inherited my voice from her. She used to read the evening news in Radio. She was a teacher as well and I was pampered greatly by all her colleauges a lot. The level of my attachment with her was hellbound. It took 6-7 years for me or even more after her marriage to realise that I would never be able to get the same from her with all the roles and responsibilities she would have to cater to. I still hold onto all those memories very fondly though.

Kakka is a person who misses me a lot and even at times I miss him a lot. He has two kids and I meet him once every 2 years or so. His daughter says she would never be able to get the same love from him that he has for me. I never say anything back but I never understand why she wants to have my share of love from him. With him I have had my first picnics of my life. With him I have had my first long drives in car. With him I have had my pakoras in the first rains. With him I have listened to Ghazals for the first time. With him I have had my first stage presence in the cultural events. Our bond is beyond explanation. Even though we talk very less - we know what and why we both mean to each other.

In this time - people don't really understand how family connections work. But to me, family is still above all and that's only because I have been raised in such an atmosphere. I love them all inspite of the odd and off frequency of meeting them. I am still cherished by them as someone who they look upto. May be that's why I have learnt to value relationships more. May be that's what is the benefit of being raised in a joint family. May be that's what is the cherry on top of BEING THE FIRST BORN!